Author Topic: Jokes ( if ok that is)  (Read 126372 times)

Casaa

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Jokes ( if ok that is)
« on: January 08, 2014, 07:55:15 PM »




Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2014, 07:57:50 PM »

    My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.  He has his food prepared for him.  He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. Once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.  For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.  If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.  He receives these accommodations absolutely free.  He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.  All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day..

 I was just thinking about
all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy S#!t, my  dog is a POLITICIAN !
 



Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2014, 08:02:09 PM »






Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2014, 08:04:13 PM »
Two very elderly men


Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.

Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"

Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"

To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"

So the second old man rushed to the store.

The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?”

"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.

"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.

Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"

Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2014, 08:06:49 PM »
 Why  Teachers  Drink
 
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
these are genuine answers ( from 16 year olds )
 
 
 
Q. Name the four seasons ?
 A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
 
Q. How is dew formed ?
  A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
 
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on ?
 A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
 
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections ?
 A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
 
Q. What are steroids ?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
 
Q.. What happens to your body as you age ?
 A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
 
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty ?
 A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
 
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes ?
 A. Premature death.
 
Q. What is artificial insemination ?
 A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
 
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
 A. Keep it in the cow.
 
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized ? ( e.g. The abdomen )

  A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs
And the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A , E  , I ,O ,U .   
 
Q. What is the fibula?
 A. A small lie.
 
Q. What does 'varicose' mean ?
 A. Nearby.
 
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
 A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
 
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.
 A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
 
Q. What is a seizure ?
 A. A Roman Emperor.   
 
Q. What is a terminal illness ?
A. When you are sick at the airport.   
 
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean ?
 A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight   
 
Q. What is a turbine ?
 A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
 

Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2014, 08:12:02 PM »
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever she feels like... height=400

Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2014, 08:13:38 PM »
Have you met the family of Vincent Van Gogh?

His dizzy aunt -----------Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes-----Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia-----U Gogh

His magician uncle --------------Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin --------------Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach ----------Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle -------------Can't Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt -------Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle ---------------Flamin Gogh

The fruit loving cousin -----------Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking -------------Way-to-Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ----------Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco -----------Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in an RV ----------------- Winnie Bay Gogh


I saw you smiling ....... there ya Gogh

robinator002

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2014, 08:49:27 PM »
Cyanide & Happiness, my favourite comics! They are so funny!




Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2014, 08:17:40 AM »
Shiny objects good!

zerkrage

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2014, 08:51:52 AM »
what is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?


Swallowing the wheelchair.
Leader of SinisterS
~Kyoujin RIP
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Kyoujin Riperino 2015 :'(
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygoYZ9lCuTA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf1LOPBU5O8


Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2014, 09:06:27 AM »
http://humour.amulyam.com/images/humour/medium/1312/371139.jpg height=704

joca94

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2014, 09:08:07 AM »
one of the most funniest jokes in South park :D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiK3qu1cuiQ
And Kanye West failing xD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z26xPS8fYdE

robinator002

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2014, 09:12:35 AM »
what is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?


Swallowing the wheelchair.

robinator002

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2014, 09:26:25 AM »
Some yo moma jokes (I'm not a racist and this is not intended as racism)

Yo mama's so black she went to night school and got marked absent

Yo mama's so black, she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

Yo Momma So black, she was born with bad credit.

Yo mama teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.


Casaa

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Re: Jokes ( if ok that is)
« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2014, 09:29:08 AM »
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